I Wonder/What If?

Posted on May 18, 2012


Thinking back to sixteen
Caught between a boy and an adult
Confused and unsure of a path unseen
Having to learn a new set of rules

The last days of school painful and slow
Oh how he wanted to be set free!
Unsure in which direction to go
Not knowing what he wanted to be?

He tried to join the army once
Interviews and tests did he attend
But a scared boy was he still to some
To northern Ireland told he’d be sent

Shouted at and questioned hard he was
By the Sergeant in charge
Didn’t know why, at a loss
This mouse who wouldn’t do harm

So turned away he was on the third attempt
Told to come back in a few years
Disappointed he was as home sent
His destiny not yet clear

He wonders though what if?
What if he’d got in?
Would he still have a life to live?
Would he still be alive?

He imagines a bullet
Flying through the air
Pushing through his chest
At death he could’ve stared

Or the bomb he tried to defuse
On a cold winters morning
With more than his life to lose
This new day a-dawning

These questions put there by others
Inside him did it fester
As did others he asks himself
He the sad little jester

Many paths he dreamed of taking
Many lost in the mists of time
This is why his heart is breaking
Chances he didn’t get to try

A way out he always looks for
Of the questions he always asks
He just wants something more
To calm his head from the sharks

Posted in: Poetry